Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
