Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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