just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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