i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
