I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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