Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
