You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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