Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
