my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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