We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
