the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
