At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
