Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
