Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
