Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
