Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
