He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
