How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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