thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
