I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
