I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
