New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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