somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
