We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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