I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
These tits shall not be calmed
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