He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
