The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Still dying that you shit outside
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
