I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
