I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
