I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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