That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
