Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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