I want to have your abortion
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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