My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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