Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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