Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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