I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
