I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
