At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
