Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize