this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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