No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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