guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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