This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
