is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize