I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
