Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
