Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
