TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
