the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
