GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
