: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
