did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
