Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
