so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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