U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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