Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
