I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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