4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
