If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize