I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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