ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
