I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
